„Spanking“ published by Deutschlandfunk Nova, HIM Magazine and BOX Magazine.
Pictures: Thore Rehbach
This column is about one of my favorite practices in my work: spanking, and especially spanking on the buttocks. In English: spanking. Vulgarly: ass spanking. In technical terms: the spanking of willing buttocks for the purpose of increasing mutual pleasure.
Now, some might say that spanking is not really the high school of sadomasochism. And sure, the one or other slap on the buttocks has probably already arrived in vanilla bedrooms thanks to Brigitte and her ilk. But if you think spanking is a „beginner’s technique“ or „one-dimensional“, you’re missing the potential of this practice. But let’s take a closer look.
What is a good spanking?
In my opinion, a good spanking includes a sensitive beginning. Those who know me know that I start the game at the door. Civilized greetings like handshakes only make it harder for my clients to get into the right mindset. Especially when it comes to spanking, I make it a point to turn up my inner regulator of dominance right from the start. After all, I can always be friendlier.
Surprisingly, many do it the other way around, but I have to be clear: I don’t think much of the friendly handshake at the door followed by a hard slap on the buttocks with a steel whip.
Psychologically sound: For successful sessions, I’ve found that it’s best to give people the opportunity to get hotter right away and fall into their headspace. Once the role of the leading and demanding sadist is taken from me, the framework for our game is set.
The spanking itself, however, I usually start with the hand and relatively gently. I simply cannot recommend starting physically hard or with instruments. There are several reasons for this.
- First: With a hand spanking you have the best control and the risk of missing is minimal.
- Second, it is simply the best feeling for the ass in front of you.
- Third: It builds direct body contact and thus personal feeling.
- Fourth and last: Harder is always possible! On the other hand, bringing someone back down when you’ve gone too wild and they’re sitting across from you relaxed, scared or even angry makes the game very difficult.
Traditionally, spanking focuses on the buttocks – there’s no other way to put it, the ass is just particularly grateful. First, you can warm it up with your hand, and later, when it’s covered in blood, you can spank it with all kinds of equipment. With some patient prep work, you can go pretty darn far.
Suitable tools for delicious spanking
The possibilities are endless – from everyday items like carpet beaters, spatulas, rulers or hairbrushes to leather straps, hippo whips, cables or rubber hoses. Especially with leather paddles, it’s important to always keep them straight – otherwise, you might have to stop the game prematurely due to cutting edges. I would also recommend the popular canes for the end of a spanking session – they are among the devices that quickly open the skin when used heavily.
A reminder about whips: They go to the edges more than you think. Riding crops, on the other hand, are highly recommended as selective „painters“ – you can use them to precisely work out the still-light areas between the red sides. Quasi search & destroy.
I’m afraid I may be alone in the world with this, but I don’t want to take this opportunity to deprive you of my favorite tool for extended spanking sessions: Nothing claps so wonderfully loud and gives such cheap pleasure as the plastic IKEA shoehorn for €1.90.
Besides, spanking is a practice that – unlike, say, genital play – most people agree with and enjoy. Motto: Ass always goes. Spanking on the back is also especially good because you can really take a lot of it with the right preparation – the span to exhaustion is long.
Different kinds of spanking
But spanking wouldn’t be spanking if it weren’t so varied. For example, I personally love spanking the genitals. Especially inducing orgasms through vaginal spanking – everything is wet, it claps nicely and loudly, and the results are often dazzling and multiple.
Anal spanking is also great – it’s so wonderfully intimate and arousing to watch up close as the sphincter reflexively closes and then reopens as you slap. The surprise, the physical trembling, coupled with the fear of the unknown, creates a direct dialog with the other’s body. Wonderful!
In spanking, I make a rough distinction between „erotic spanking,“ in which my counterpart feels physical pleasure, and „moral spanking,“ where Freudian compensations and transferences are at play.
Whether it’s about coming to terms with a personal history or reducing feelings of guilt, the need to feel oneself or to test one’s own limits, whether consciously or unconsciously – all this is just as legitimate as the desire to really come to the rhythm of the blows with the flat hand. In today’s society, we often lose touch with ourselves – with the help of BDSM we can scratch the facade a little, feel ourselves in a completely different way.
The spanking rollercoaster
As a sex worker, I like to accompany my clients on their inner roller coaster rides. Afterward, they can talk to me about all the curves and feelings they have experienced. It is only when it comes to talking about the deeper motivations that I reach my limits as a Dominus. It has actually happened several times that clients have been „sent to me“ by therapists in the context of therapy. For me, however, sex work in this case is not a therapeutic starting point, but a measure whose sense or usefulness in therapy I cannot and will not decide.
Let’s also look at spanking in the tension between dominance and submission: It starts with the right way in and usually becomes visible in the physical position of the recipient. What better way to express what’s going on before the first blow is struck than with an ass stretched out towards you or your opponent in what is shockingly aptly described in yoga as the „dog looking down“ position?
Also nice: The objectification when the victim, strapped to the trestle, is first rolled across the room to the desired position. By the way, most of the furniture in the SM studio has a clear advantage over normal home furnishings: If it was at all possible to build a hole for groping genitals into the piece, you’ll certainly find a hole for groping genitals.
Especially with hand spanking, I like to stimulate in between and take the ride towards „erotic spanking“ or not, depending on the reaction. The classic trial and error of sex work.
What I find important: BDSM in general, but spanking in particular, is not necessarily about hitting per se, but about finding the right counterpart. The energy has to flow on both sides.
Whether you’re spanking or being spanked, it’s about feeling the other person’s feelings and emotions, creating an energy ping-pong. I say, a sub playing dead or a dominus looking bored at the wallpaper while spanking is not conducive to the quality of a spanking. Spanking yourself comes close to the impossible attempt to „tickle yourself“ – unless, of course, you have received exactly that order from your active counterpart and are thus satisfying his explicit desires! The driving factor here would again be an emotional connection, pure „masturbation spanking“ does not happen, as far as I know.
Trance through spanking
During a good spanking, both my opponent and I sink into a deep state. I often observe a state similar to intoxication in which the opponent is no longer responsive. As the active person, I also find myself in a kind of trance – in which, however, no one has to fear that I will lose control. Perhaps the best way to describe it is the state when you are so absorbed in a good book that you forget the world around you…
In this way, I’ve already experienced some nice and very hot hours with spanking. And especially with spanking the feedback is very intense. People talk about „opening a valve“ or „letting off steam“. Lacerations and bruises, which elsewhere have a negative connotation as injuries and would probably even cause fear, are perceived here as positive and beautiful or are even worn and shown with pride.
To sum up: Spanking, this seemingly simple „everyday BDSM practice“, contains an incredible range of intensities and variations. With feelings that should not be underestimated, which can occur both on the active and passive side – devotion, mindfuck, and the exchange of bodies and energies. The magic of spanking!