Feminization, what does this word trigger in you? Here we are in 2021, and the difference between the sexes is still not comparable to the perception of other differences, such as hair color. In politics, the Thatchers and Merkels remain a rarity. In business, women are on average paid less than us „three-legged“ individuals. On the other hand, in lifestyle, the rumor persists that the man must take the initiative on the first date, or carry most finances.
It’s nice that we can play with it also in sexuality – and achieve crazy emotional effects with the role and its symbols. These games are called gender play.
This column is not about transsexuality, but about feminization. Even though there are a lot of „shemales“ (girls with dicks), especially on the side of the providers of sex work. These are men who are very androgynous – sometimes even without hormones – and often actively pleasure their clients with their penises. The demand is much higher than I expected at the time. However, this lifestyle is an area that leaves the playful level and thus has more to do with long-term gender identification, so it would fill its own chapter.
I would rather talk about what happens to us in the Domina Studio: who comes to us to be feminized for a short time and why?
Why feminization – motivation and background
For the creation of this column, I’ve drawn on the expertise of female (acting) colleagues. Thanks again to Kristina Marlen, Sarah Blume, and Kim Wagner. The background is that the desire for (forced) feminization is relatively seldom brought to the attention of the male sex worker, except as a proxy for the female colleague to perform penetration.
This seems logical, since the main target group of male sex workers (gay men) have already stolen mommy’s nightgown from the closet in puberty and proudly marched up and down in it. In the gay coming-out group, at the latest, men openly fool around and not infrequently give their buddies female names.
Because of their sexual socialization, gay men are very aware of their femininity, even if they don’t play or flirt with it. This is not the case with heterosexual men, for whom the act of being a woman is still one of the biggest taboos. The second target group of male sex workers is women, where feminization naturally falls away. In the lesbian context, however, there is a lot of „masculinization“ of the ladies. Between us: it looks damn hot because gay role models often serve here as well. But we’re talking about feminization in a dominatrix studio – let’s have a look…
How does feminization work?
Let’s start with the men who understand feminization as humiliation and derive pleasure from this humiliation. This is easy to understand, even though it sounds insanely paradoxical. But a man who feels uncomfortable in a miniskirt and a woman’s wig will perceive this humiliation – as a masochist perceives pain – not as negative, but as positive.
Feminization in action
In practice, this means that the woman forces the man to stand on high heels (wobbly for him, of course) and then laughs at him. This has happened to me a few times, but as I said, not often. I have often been asked to belittle men for their homosexuality. Even if it’s clear that I like men myself, it’s irrelevant in this form of humiliation, which is essentially a kind of „working up“ of sexuality.
It’s a kind of escape forward, which has a positive effect on the negative experience. But unfortunately, this is not true for everyone – so please only call a guy a „cocksucking faggot“ if he has explicitly expressed the wish to do so.
Male Doms as therapists for feminization
Perhaps this is the right time to clarify the positive stereotype of the Dominus as a therapist. A dominatrix and a dominus are not therapists per se. A therapist’s job is to find out what problems you have and to recommend measures to solve them. These measures range from journaling, to exercise, to visiting a Dominus or Domina.
Regardless of whether the therapist accompanies these measures through therapy sessions, I see my work more as one of the measures a therapist might recommend. I am simply opening the valves that I have been told to open; I’m not going to dig into a client’s childhood together to find those valves.
Reflections on feminization
Many people don’t need a therapeutic analysis of their problems anyway, and know for themselves what is good for them. Especially people who engage in (BDSM) sex work are for the most part not unhappy. Especially the BDSMers are extremely reflective because of the specificity of sexual sensation and the sexual development that goes along with it. Something this group has in common with homosexuals. Oops, I digress. Back to feminization:
Wearing suspenders & co. as humiliation is diametrically opposed to the fetishist: the lingerie wearer, DWT for short in German, for Damenunterwäscheträger (I know, it’s a mouthful). As the word „fetishism“ also clearly defines, the attraction lies in the object, i.e. the man finds lingerie basically very attractive, but the role of the woman is not so important here. It is rather a stronger expression of fetishism that one finds, for example, the nylons so hot that one would like to feel them on one’s own body.
Here it is sometimes funny that the DWT is denied all feminine behavior patterns, i.e. it happens that he tramples around in nylons and high heels like a peasant. But if he cares about it and is able to move like a woman, or even wants to learn it, he is called a transvestite.
Crossdresser and feminization
An indispensable characteristic of a cross-dresser is his heterosexuality because the term came into being after the term transvestite was assigned to the gay man in women’s clothes in the sixties. At that time, the heterosexual man wanted to find his own expression for his feminine need to dress.
The cross-dresser and the transvestite do not share a sexual orientation, but they do share a preference for the process of transformation. The focus here is on actually „being a woman“, so while both may be fetishists, they don’t have to be. In the game, the domina is now seen from the outside in an atypical role, because it is not whip & co., but make-up tips are required. Kinship is also desired as a compulsion on the part of the client because compulsion releases from the personal responsibility to commit this taboo violation.
Feminization and drag
A heightened form of the transvestite or crossdresser is drag, which is usually not sexually motivated but serves as an expression of artistic content. The undisputed top dogs here in Berlin are Jurassica Parka and Margot Schlönzke.
Drags tell me that the personality they create is simply not sexual. Outwardly, they play with the – mostly – already overdrawn female figure, even with the transformation itself. The pictures for the background of this article were taken in cooperation with the Hamburg drag diva Chantal Chaud.
Feminization into a sissy
One of the most exciting and curious phenomena in the domina studio is the transformation of men into the so-called sissy. Visually, the sissies usually appear with pigtails, ruffles and a slightly overdrawn child’s wardrobe, in other words: a Lolita. And sometimes it evokes a smile, when, for example, a 50-year-old, obese man in a pink tutu and ponytail dutifully curtsies and rises to his feet in this role. But if the man gets something positive out of it, then it is okay for me to support him.
The games with the mostly heterosexual men in this outfit focus on the education of the girl, so they are already a kind of age play. The games can be sexual, but they don’t have to be. It is more about educating the girl, e.g. punishing her – if she has not done something decent, she can be beaten with a whip.
The dominant woman takes on the role of mother or strict governess. The sissy is easy to distinguish from the other forms of feminization because of her infantility.
Feminization as a maid
Very often you will come across the term „maid“ in a Domina studio. This refers to a figure that the nobility had among their servants in the Middle Ages. The maid is not without rights compared to a slave, and she is not infantile like a sissy. She may not meet her mistress or master at eye level, but she can help define how and where she can best assist. A maid can usually be used sexually if desired.
Common to all forms is that the „role“ is taken for a short period of time, after which the client returns to the original male role. Of course, such a short-lived relationship can grow, and a whole trans identity can be discovered in the process, but most of our visitors are „short-timers“.
Feminization and prostitution
In the smooth transition from the maid to the hooker, slut, or whatever name you can think of for a „woman“ who sells herself cheaply and dresses accordingly. There are certainly very few women who correspond to this image in reality, because these little „sluts“ are supposed to bring in hard money for their (played by the Dominas) pimps – that is, to be in the perfect victim role.
This is where male sex workers often come into play and fuck hard. I also experience the fantasy of the „whore“ very often with gay men, who then also remain in their roles as men.
It’s exciting that the heterosexual men, even if they suck cocks and let themselves be fucked, still feel heterosexual, because the „homo act“ is performed in the role of the „woman“. This may make some of you smile, but it seems logical. Usually, the biggest box in every domina studio is the one with the inscription „Strap-ons“ and the „woman“ fucks the guys herself with strapped plastic dildos.
Cock cages for feminization
In longer gender games, a lot of work is done with penis cages, which support the female role well because more „de-masculinization“ is hardly possible. The man is then – forced – sexually limited to the lower existence, and the sexual „freedom of responsibility“ is additionally supported by „not being allowed to cum“. By the way, it is not uncommon that the feminized man wants to be active himself, i.e. he wants to take over the role of the penetrator. This is especially the case with DWTs, but also with crossdressers and transvestites.
Why do men desire feminization?
What are the motives why straight men go to dominas for feminization? Well, there are several.
The most important reason is certainly that a woman represents the actual sexual target group of the heterosexual man. She is considered by society as a whole – but also in principle – to be more tolerant and thus legalizes the „perverse intentions“ of the client. If a man is comfortable with passive penetration, he can also more easily accept and physically receive penetration in the role of the woman.
While the gay man in his socialization identifies with the woman, from the perspective of the heterosexual man, one must understand the approach that, due to his development, the woman is considered the „weaker sex“. Thus, a „short vacation in the woman’s shell“ finally allows him to be „weak“.
Logically, then, in addition to femininity, suitable role models are chosen to represent infantility, disenfranchisement, or abuse. Because being a female victim gives you the opportunity to escape from all decision-making constraints and – in contrast to the „top sexuality“ defined by nature and society – to experience yourself crystal clear as a bottom… and that’s a good thing.