There is a persistent rumor that there are many people out there who pay a lot of money just to be whipped once and then leave the dominatrix studio with a distant handshake.
Please note: This is not or only very rarely the case! Of course, there is the pure form of a masochist who actually feels pleasure exclusively through the physical pain or even discharges his inner conflicts through this outlet. Or it is a man who feels himself only through pain at last and is usually completely happy with these new feelings even without orgasm. This clear masochist is easy for me to treat, because I only have to take care of the physical elaboration, however, this type occurs extremely rarely in reality as I said.
Everybody who experiments a little bit sexually can imagine that at the latest during bondage it is very much about the counterpart, so that one can really let oneself fall. Here it is not only about the, in this context almost inflationary used word “trust”, but about the person himself and especially about his, him assigned role. An SM session is usually an expression of the relationship that the playing partners have with each other – restraints, pain and leather boots only serve as support.
The relationship between sub and master
These references can be quite different in nature: Sometimes it heats up the sub to simply worship the top. Typical practices for this group of subs are, for example, a foot washing of the Master by the slave or during dirty talk phrases like “You are a god” and “You are so horny” fall. The sub draws his pleasure consciously from the worshiping of the active and unconsciously additionally from his own subordination. In the second group, the focus shifts to the sub, who is simply allowed to feel bad and small for once. Among other things, he is spat at and insulted a lot. The groups differ only in the direction of gaze: In the first group, the crackling is caused by the sub looking up at the top, and in the second group, it is about the top looking down on the sub. Of course, it is not always possible to separate the two so clearly; there is often a mixture of both. The gradual approach of how much of this or that group is in the sub adds a pleasant spice to the game.
This brings us to the third group: Participants in this particularly large group tend to want to be the pleasure object for the active person, who feels an appreciation of their own body due to the treatment by the active person. The sub is pleased to be reduced to his body and to be perceived as a purely sexual object. He wants to conform to the ideas and desires of the top. In this way, a completely different relationship to one’s own body can and often is established. This sometimes culminates in rape fantasies or in the almost mainstream idea that the play partner is a “whore” who has to go prostituting for the master. Thus, the play partner advances to a lust object for several men and the “physical value” becomes even more obvious through the payment process. I myself stand on this fantasy so much that I can hold stand-up dirty talk monologues to it. There I can then, for example, in phone sex properly from the full, with the difference that the fantasy whore works exclusively passively. With the whore who has to stick her ass out for the pimp, we’ve already arrived at the last group where the psychosocial reference becomes most obvious: The role player. Besides the pimp, daddy or the doctor, I often play the straight guy from the sub’s youth, who strongly condemns the sub’s homosexuality and, in the course of the game, latently lets homosexual tendencies show through or at least allows them a bit.
Sexual pleasure through the play of powers
In all these groups, the emotional states are merely supported by pain and bondage. Also the clothing (leather, latex, doctor’s coat) as well as the nakedness of the slave merely manifest the role image. Even the patient in the clinic session in authentic medical surroundings or even a guy in a crib with a pacifier in his mouth only represent a social reference to one’s own inner self. The sexual fire of the whole game is kindled by the personality that fills this role.
On the other hand, it’s different with pure fetishists: those who are into feet, urine, or farts usually prefer to absorb these things directly from the other man’s body. Of course, there are people who have licked out the piss gutter in the Lab.Oratory sex club in Berlin’s Berghain before Corona, even if a stud didn’t get rid of his golden shower there at the same time. But would these guys do the same if they knew that women had peed in there?
Of course they wouldn’t. It’s not about the urine as such. It’s similar with object fetishism: I can send worn underwear or broken-in shoes to a fetishist, and he’ll jerk off with that dead object all by himself, even though he doesn’t even know or have seen me. But would he do the same if he had not taken a picture of me? No, as a rule it is not like that. Sure, there are guys who already get a twitch in their pants when they see a new sneaker collection in the sports store or who get sexually aroused by the mere smell of leather. But does this fetishist then really go straight home after buying the sneakers to then jerk off with the brand new shoes? Mostly not! Because usually boots or shoes are licked when a person wears them. In the same way, you endure pain for someone for whom you want to endure it or by whose strokes the meaning of the game is underpinned.
In short, even beyond flower sex, nothing goes on without a social connection. Even if the public image of guys with a BDSM preference usually conveys something else. The bottom line is that the same rules apply in a dominatrix studio as in a cuddle act. Even if extremely authentic sex robots were developed that could perfectly spank, feature adjustable fisting hands, or expertly put on a chastity belt: It always turns out, my profession is crisis-proof, because as indispensable as the uranium in a nuclear reactor is the personal human connection in a BDSM session.
