When it comes to sadomasochism, there’s a persistent rumor that there are many people out there who pay a lot of money just to be whipped once and then leave the domina studio with a distant handshake.
Please note: This is not or only rarely the case! Of course, there is the pure form of a masochist who actually feels pleasure exclusively through physical pain or even discharges his inner conflicts through this outlet. Or it is a man who feels himself only through pain at last and is usually completely happy with these new feelings even without orgasm. This pure masochist is easy for me to treat because I only have to take care of the physical elaboration. Yet this type is rare, as I mentioned.
Anyone who has experimented a little bit sexually can imagine that even in a bondage situation, it depends very much on the other person if you really want to let yourself go. This is not only about the word „trust“, which is used almost inflationary in this context, but also about the person, or especially the role assigned.
Sadomasochism in the relationship between sub and master
These references can be very different in nature: Sometimes the sub is heated up to simply worship the top. Typical practices are, for example, a foot-washing of the master by the slave or dirty talk, during which you’ll hear sentences like „You are a god“, „You are so hotter“. The sub consciously derives his pleasure from the worship of the active and unconsciously from his own subordination.
In the second group, the focus shifts to the sub, who may simply feel bad and small. He is often spat upon and insulted. You can say that the groups differ only in the direction of the gaze: In the first group, the crackling is caused by the sub looking up at the top, and in the second group, it is the top looking down at the sub.
It’s not always possible to make a clear distinction, as there is often a mixture of the two. Finding out how much of this or that group is in the sub adds a nice spice to the game.
The participants of my third and especially large group want to be the object of pleasure for the active part, who feels the appreciation of his own body through the „treatment“ . The sub is happy to be reduced to his body – to be perceived simply as a sexual object, in short: to correspond to the ideas and desires of the top. This then culminates in rape fantasies or even the „mainstream“ fantasy of being a whore who is allowed to go whoring for the master and thus is an object of pleasure for several men, whose „value“ is made even clearer by the payment.
I like this fantasy so much that I could do stand-up dirty talk monologues about it. With the whore who would bust her ass for the pimp, we are then at the intersection with the last group where the psychosocial connection is most obvious: the role-player. In addition to the pimp, daddy or doctor, I often play the straight guy from the sub’s youth, who strongly condemns the sub’s homosexuality and over time lets latent homosexual tendencies show through, or at least allows them a little.
In all these groups the emotional states are only supported by pain and bondage, i.e. sadomasochism. Clothing like leather, latex or even a doctor’s outfit as well as the nakedness of the slave, further manifest the dynamic. Even the patient in the clinic session in authentic medical white surroundings with a giant sorbet of associated toys – as well as the blindfolded woman hanging defenselessly on ropes in the room due to the master’s bondage skills, or even the adult man looking at you from the crib with diapers and a pacifier in his mouth – all establish a social reference to oneself, and the fire of the entire play is kindled by the personalities filling these roles.
Sexual pleasure through power play and sadomasochism
With fetishists it’s very clear: Those who are into feet, feces, urine, vomit, farts or prefer to take or feel these things directly from the other person’s body.
Of course, there are people who lick the piss gutter at the Berghainer Laboratory Fick Club. But would these guys do that if they knew that women were pissing in there? Of course, they wouldn’t. It’s not about the urine itself.
It’s similar to object fetishism: I can send worn underwear or broken shoes to a fetishist, and he’ll jerk off with that dead object all by himself, even though he doesn’t even know me. But would he do that if he didn’t have a picture of me? No, it’s usually not like that.
Sure, I know guys who get a real tingle in their pants when they see a new sneaker collection at the sporting goods store, or others who get goosebumps of sexual arousal at the smell of leather. But does the fetishist really go straight home after buying the sneakers or leather pants and sniff around these brand-new things and whack off to heavenly orgasms? Of course not (there are exceptions to the rule).
No, because usually, they lick the boots and feet of a personality whose boots and feet you just want to lick. You endure pain for someone you want to endure it for, or for someone whose blow underscores your role or the purpose of the game.
So nothing transcends flower sex without a social reference? Even if the image of us beating, spitting, catheterizing, fisting, leather & latex participants of the BDSM sector may convey something different, the bottom line is that the same rules apply in a domina studio as in a cuddle number.
Even if the best and most authentic robots were developed that could delightfully stimulate spanks – and urethras, wrap adult men in diapers, demonstrate size-adjustable fisting hands, and quite expertly put on a chastity belt: My profession is crisis-proof, because the personal connection in a BDSM session is as essential as the uranium in a nuclear reactor.